Olympic Opening Ceremony Oufit Recap

DISCLAIMER. I UNDERSTAND THAT THAT SOME/MOST OF THESE OUTFITS ARE TRADITIONAL DRESS. IF YOU CAN'T TAKE SOME TEASING, DON'T READ ON. IT'S ALL IN GOOD FUN.

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So, Where the hell is the Marshall Islands? I respect the nod to island life that is achieved by wearing straw around the neck.

Turkmenistan? Nice puke green outfits. Seriously.

I thought Malawi would have had Madonna holding David Banda as their flag bearer, it would have been more entertaining than their outfits.

Nice unibrow on the Greek guys. wax bitches.

Ecuador...sweet tracksuits. Also, I love that there were clearly some gays in the crowd of athletes.

Eritrea...what?

The Jamaicans looked cute... pretty hair and makeup Mon.

The Israelis were def cute, classic and appropriate. Very Ralph

Omg Gambia - bedsheets?

Sweet taffeta headdresses Benin!

OH SWEET GOD DENMARK. JEAN SHORTS?!?!?!? MAO WOULD NOT APPROVE.

Very Eastern Bloc of you Ukraine. Yellow socks and loafers.

I cannot stop staring at the neckerchiefs on the Bahamians.

The Pakistani athletes look like unhappy office workers.

I fear the Cuban athletes. Very severe grey, never flattering on any skin tones.

Rwanda - sweet zebra sheath. I want to borrow that in a size ten.

CAN THE ASIAN WOMEN PLEASE STOP CHEER LEADING - slow down or you will shimmy the water bottle holster straight off your hip.

Interesting silk skirt black pant combo Indonesia.

LITHUANIA! GRASSHOPPER INFESTATION!!! WHITE CLAM DIGGERS AND BRIGHT GREEN POLOS!

Nicaragua - Didn't know there was a DEB in your homeland. Nice tracksuits.

Canaydia - The fag with the flag is really excited. Did ROOTS go out of business? Not a nice gradient pattern. It's a bad look.

I bet Spain dyed their suits with Saffron.

Liechtenstein - Your flag bearer looks like John Mark Carr. Hide the Children.

BUSH IS SOOOO OVER THIS. HE WANTS TO GO HOME AND HAVE LAURA SPOON FEED HIM MOTTS APPLESAUCE WHILE HE PLAYS WORLD OF WARCRAFT.

Iran is a total sausage fest.

Hungary! What the hell! Are those knockoff Marimeko?

So, is Andora another planet? Are those spacesuits?

I can't take the Finnish dresses. Someone hold me up. Big shot put ladies in print?

The Croatian flag bearer just made an inappropriate tongue motion to the Asian cheer leaders.

DOES LAURA BUSH EVER MAKE A DIFFERENT FACIAL EXPRESSION?!?! *INSERT BLANK STARE*.

AZERBAIJAN- what.

Namibia has white men on the team? How does that happen.

In case you didn't know, the Latvians are all also hospital workers. Hence the outfits.

Great Britain has a fourteen year old child diver. He is just hitting puberty, so don't hate if he pops a boner before the high dive.

The Polish women are going to a ball after this. Just FYI.

OMG KAZAKHSTAN... WHAT IS GOING ON THERE...not right.

Bulgaria has some very tall women.

Syria stole some of Cuba's leftover outfits.

Hmm... We look good. Not terribly flashy, but classic. Designed by Ralph. Like the hats. You can tell who the volleyball girls are... blonde, screaming in the camera like they are on South Padre Spring Break. Definitely smoked a blunt behind the birds nest. Jesus Carmelo, get your braids redone for the damn Olympics.

Ok. I can't watch anymore. I'm exhausted.

Team USA forevs.

xoxo
Nicole