Lindsay Lohan Needs Sponsorship...

... and it's not the kind that keeps you from hitting the bottle at 3am. Don't get me wrong she needs that too, but it seems that LiLo has had a website set up for the express purpose of getting sponsors to pay for her 22nd birthday.

Quick, someone call K-Y, Fleischmann's Vodka and Virgina Slims. They need to get on this. Oh, and Mystic Tan.

If you want to see this vomit inducing excuse for "marketing" click the title of this post.

xoxo

Nicole

Amanda Lepore's Glamour Is Frightening.

Here's Amanda Lepore in Vienna. Staring at her is like staring directly into the sun. You aren't supposed to do it because it can blind you, but you can't help but try once or twice.

Her fierce glamour is frightening.

xoxo

Nicole

Photo: Dlisted. I love you Michael K.

Party Time!

Happy Graduation to me!

Please enjoy this lovely photo of Marie Antionette to celebrate. Let's all break out the cake and champs!

xoxo

Nicole

I'm Not Sure What To Say

Wino and Petey made this You Tube vid and I'm seriously disturbed. In case you can't tell, those are tiny baby mice they are holding in their crack dirt covered hands. This is so horribly sad.

xoxo

Nicole

Blog Rush/RSS Feed

Hi y'all.

So I wanted to update you on a few blog thingys. First, I have made the blog availible for RSS subscription. That means you people can get my updates in your email. YAY!

Second, you might notice something called "Blog Rush" on the page. Blog Rush is a syndication network I joined to link my blog to other simlar blogs. Therefore, don't be afraid to click on any of the Blog Rush links because they are from normal blog sources. No spam or advertisments.

xoxo
Nicole

Sweet Jesus

Oh my god. I look at this and I hear Carrie Underwood in my head singing "Jesus Take The Wheel". Jesus, please put some clothes on Kim and get her off this sofa stained with god knows what.

This is outrageous. I feel so let down. The Queen Bee shouldn't expose herself to these peepee germs.

xoxo

Nicole

Photo: Crunk and Disorderly

Hot Ginge Plugget

My man is a hard core Pittsburgh Penguins fan. In case you don't know, they are currently in the Stanley Cup Playoffs. Alas, I have spent an inordinate amount of time watching Versus. The hot piece above is Brian Engblom, a commentator for Versus.

I have christened his haircut a Plugget. That's because he has hair plugs, and a mullet. He's also a ginge, which makes this look extra unforch.

Just thought I should share. Whenever you feel you are having a bad hair day, think of this man and smile.

xoxo

Nicole

YES!

Thank you JesusBhuddaDaliLamaYahweh for hearing my prayers and answering them.

At last, a Drag Queen reality competition.

RuPaul will be hosting a new competition reality series on LOGO to find America's next favorite drag queen. GLAMOUR! There is going to be a whole lot of weaves, glitter, Vaseline and duct tape. I can't wait.

The photo above is a screen shot from the website, where visitors can vote for their fave glamour mistress.

I feel suddenly inspired to backcomb my hair and draw stars on my eyelids with eyeliner.

xoxo

Nicole

PHOTO: Towleroad

Together Again

*sigh*.

This is a sure sign of the Apocalypse. Amy and Petey got together again yesterday night. I want them to breed. Their baby would be born with a crack hive and the shakes. And Petey's love for kittens.

I wonder how BLLLLAAAKEEEE INCARCERATEDDDDD feels about this. I want to see him fight Petey, medieval style with swords for Amy's love and favour. Yes, I said favour. I had to keep it Olde English for you.

xoxo

Nicole

Photo: Dlisted

I've Totally Made It.

I've totally made it in the blogosphere y'all. Someone bust out the champs, I've had my first order to take down copywrited material. And from People Magazine! Epic.

God, I feel so accomplished.

So, incase you're wondering where my photo of Nick and Mimi's wedding went, blogger took it away.

Click this link to see the cool notice sent to blogger!

http://www.chillingeffects.org/notice.cgi?sID=6478


xoxo
Nicole

Colin Farrell Must Be Hungry

This is so sad. Where oh where has my beautiful Colin gone? Where oh where can he be?

The Sun is reporting that the reason for Colin's drastic weightloss is his role in the upcoming film, "Triage".

He looks like he needs an Ensure and a cheeseburger, STAT. I don't want to see any movie where he looks like this.

xoxo

Nicole

Photo: Dlisted

Shia LaBeouf Is Hillarious

Shia explains his arrest in Walgreens, and his dog's doodoo. Check it out.

xoxo

Nicole

Oh No.

This is just too much for me. I have a sensitive stomach.

Last night these two decided to swap cooties outside her house. *shudder*

xoxo

Nicole

PHOTO: Dlisted

Paris, Put The Weave Away.

Did she buy this hair at a mall kiosk? I have nothing else to say. Bleh.

xoxo

Nicole

Photo: TMZ

Kat Von D Launches Her Own Makeup Line!!

I definitely became all kinds of obsessed with Kat Von D's glamour when I started watching Miami Ink.

Now that she's got her own shop and is a entrepreneurial woman of the world Kat Von D has decided to launch her own makeup line, available exclusively through Sephora. The colors are totally gorgeous and we all know I'm a sucker for pretty packaging. Oh and as a bonus, she also designed a line of makeup brushes.

Love it love it love it.

Check it out online by clicking the title of this post to view the products.

xoxo

Nicole

Spending Five Hours Spackling Your Face Is Tiring.

Xtina and her man took in the sights at the Christian Dior Cruise Collection last night in NYC. It looks like Xtina spent a lot of time viewing the inside of her eyelids. Spending hours applying makeup to achieve maximum glamour must be very exhausting.

What's with Jordan's hair? It reminds me of middle school when all the boys would apply as much gel to their hair as humanly possible and then stand too close wafting their Axe flavored BO all over me. bleh.

xoxo

Nicole

PHOTO: Dlisted

Hot Piece of the Day

You better work!

In all fairness, this is from a Facebook group I belong to. I had to share.

xoxo

Nicole

Why Must LiLo Always Wear Black.

Here's the Queen of the Night in Paris with Ronson.

xoxo

Nicole

PHOTO: Dlisted

The Duggars Must Be Nuts.

If you don't know the Duggar story already, PLEASE for the love of god watch this.

While they seem nice enough, something isn't right with a woman who is willing to punish her body by having that many children, and something isn't right with her husband being OK with it.

They creep me out, yet I can't look away. I admit it, I watch their TV specials.

xoxo
Nicole

Suge Gets A Whoopin.

Ohhhh not so tough now are we Suge! I should be nicer, it's hard out there for an aging, broke, OG.

Suge got into a fight with some dude yesterday in a club. Suge's crew beat the guy up pretty good, but then...POW! The guy came back with a fierce punch and knocked Suge out for three minutes. Ha.

xoxo
Nicole

PHOTO: TMZ

Heidi Has a Mother?

I was pretty sure she was hatched from an ostrich egg, or maybe birthed by a Clydesdale.

If I was her mother, I would have bitch-slapped her into next week for dragging me into a photo-op on Mother's Day. As my mom always said "If I brought you into this world, I can take you out". My mother would also never let me date a total asinine loser like Spencer. This probably isn't even her mother, it's probably an actress.

Check out Spencer's face. This is her (typo, but I'm keeping it) surprise face. He practices it in the mirror.

xoxo

Nicole

PHOTO: TMZ

This Worries Me.

I can take a lot of crazy. Really, I can. I was born into a gene pool of crazy, and nurtured by an environment of crazy. Anyone who has ever seen my mother, grandmother, and I together can attest to this.

This however, is on a whole new level. You know your life really sucks when I can't even make fun of you anymore. I can't even tease about this photo because it's so terribly concerning.

Amy, you need some rehab, Sicilian Chicken Noodle Soup, and a hug. I'm good for all three.

Get help girl.

xoxo

Nicole

PHOTO: Dlisted

This Looks Enjoyable.

God, they look so HAPPY.

Did you sense the sarcasm?

So, instead of spending Mother's Day with their MOTHER Nicole Kidman, the Cruise children were instead shackled to Tommy and Robot Katie. Excuse me, KATE. They went to one of DBeck's soccer games. What a totally un-fun way to spend mother's day. If I were Katie I would have demanded a golden statue erected in my honor and two hours alone with DBecks.

Happy Mother's Day Y'all.

xoxo

Nicole

PHOTO: Dlisted

Surf's Up

OOOH! I am such a sucker for pretty packaging and yummy scents.

I love anything that smells even remotely like the beach and/or sunscreen, so imagine my instant love for the above product. This is the "Surfer Girl" set by Philosophy, and in case you don't know Philosophy makes the best and yummiest bath and body products. This set smells like Kiwi-Papaya, and has pretty gold sparkles. GORGE.

The set includes: Exfoliating Shower Gel, Shimmer Body Lotion, and Surfer Girl Lip Shine. Click the title of this post to view.

Sparkle on!

xoxo

Nicole

Have An Orgasm.

On your face. With makeup.

God, you dirty birds.

Sorry I've been so silent. I've missed you all. I'm now fully recovered from the black death that infected me, and to prove my love to you, I have brought you a nice little tidbit.

NARS has released a limited edition set available at Sephora of ORGASM Lip Gloss and Nail Polish. Quel Presh Idee. That's Franglais for " What a Presh Idea." I have ORGASM blush, and I can see why this color is such a cult classic. Totally flattering, no matter what your skin tone is.

Click the title of this post to view.

xoxo
Nicole