David Letterman Puts Spencer On Blast...

... and therefore is my new favorite person. Spencer is such a miserable tool that I find it hard to watch him. If you can stomach it, I recommend watching this whole video. It's worth it for the sheer douche-baggery that you will witness.

Spencer is the kind of faux-lebrity that sits home and Googles himself. In fact, he's probably reading this because he has a Google alert set up for his name. Well, SPENCER PRATT YOUR LEVEL OF FUCKERY MAKES ME FEEL LIKE STICKING NEEDLES INTO MY EYES.

xoxo

Nicole

Heidi Montag Looks Deformed Without Makeup On.

That chin is CRAZY. She looks like a Bogdanov Brother with her wierd malformed chin. Horsey, put some makeup on and let that hair down. You need to detract from the chin.

xoxo

Nicole

Perez Is Even Worse Than Lauren Conrad At Being A "Designer"

The clothes from Perez's new "line" (which includes t-shirts, tanks, hoodies, and cheap accessories) are beyond uggo. This is worse than Lauren Conrad. Her shit is overpriced and plain, but it doesn't look like someone wiped down Skid Row with a tank top and put it up for sale.

Check out the rest of the "line", availible at Hot Topic.

xoxo
Nicole

Pam and Tommy Are Back Together

Tommy is the dirtiest of the dirty but ooooh weee what I wouldn't give to get next to that. I don't even care about the hep, or the herp. I would just like to break me off some Tommy. When I die I want to be buried with a blow up Tommy doll.

Anyway, Pam and Tommy are apparently back together, as they should be. Honestly, seeing either of them with another person makes me seethe with anger because they are meant to be together. Like Bert and Ernie. Or Erbert and Gerbert.

Rolling Stone has the exclusive, check it out.

xoxo

Nicole

Nicole

Posh Is Wearing Beck's Jeans.

What in the crazy hell is Posh doing?! She is wearing a TSHIRT! AND FLIP FLOPS! AND HER HUSBAND'S JEANS!

Should I be concerned? I mean, this is the woman who wrote "That Extra Half An Inch" referring to HEELS. Those flip flops look like my nasty college shower flip flops. *shudder*

ugh. The fashion apocalypse is officially here.

xoxo

Nicole

Photo: Dlisted

Ojon "The Ball"

This is some crazy tropical skincare crazyness from Ojon. Apparently, you rub this ball all over your skin and it moisturizes, cleanses, buffs and exfoliates your skin.

From Ojon's website:

Ojon® Tawaka™ “The Ball” contains a high dose of wildcrafted Ojon® oil, rich in essential fatty acids, Omega-3, 6 and 9; Omega-3 fatty acids are essential components for skin’s functioning. Omega-6 fatty acids are essential components of skin’s structure. A deficiency of these essential fatty acids is the most common and can cause dry, flaky skin.

This exclusive skin smoother is inspired by a ball only available in the Tawaka™ villages found in the remote tropical rainforest of Central America - that is, until now. Ojon® offers you this luxurious beauty sphere for use in your very own home. Ojon® Tawaka™ “The Ball” is produced in small batches, with each ball taking up to 2 days to produce.

Crazy and sexy at the same time. I would LOVE to try one. Hook it up Ojon.

You can also buy this at Sephora, of course.

xoxo

Nicole

In Case Your Prayers Haven't Been Answered Lately...

...you can reach Jesus on the interwebs. More specifically, MySpace. Yes. You heard me, the site populated by desperate emo children and horny teens with naked pictures is now home to the Lord.

Let's hope he doesn't have any naked photos. That would just be weird.

xoxo

Nicole

Best Outfits Ever.

If you don't read Crunk and Disorderly, there is something wrong with your head. They have posted quite a prom crunktacular over there and this couple that has integrated swimwear with straight jacket glamour is my personal fave.

For more ghetto prom tragedies, visit C&D, and tell Fresh I sent you.

xoxo

Nicole

The New Kids Don't Bother Me.

These pepaws still got it. They don't look half bad either. You know I'll be listening to their new shit.

xoxo

Nicole

Real Housewives of HotLanta.

I stole this image from YBF, just to be clear.

So all my dreams are coming true. Bravo is making a new season of Real Housewives, and it will feature some lovely ladies from Atlanta. Above is one of the couples on the show, Ed and Lisa Hartwell.

I'm looking forward to southern fried drama y'all.

xoxo

Nicole

Bird Glamour

I love animals. I realize this isn't a typical blog post, but I couldn't resist. This is Beauty, she was found starving to death because hunters shot her beak off. Bastards. Here's an idea, if you shoot a bald eagle, you get shot in the crotch. New law.

An engineer from Boise, Idaho made Beauty a prosthetic beak! Yay! It's even yellow! The lady who found Beauty told The Sun

"A bullet had to be removed from her curved upper beak, leaving her tongue and sinuses exposed, with a stump useless for grasping food. Eating with her beak was like using one chopstick. She also had trouble drinking and couldn’t preen her feathers."

Epic sadness. But you know Beauty lives a live of luxury now. She probs has a servant that chews up her food and spits it into her mouth, so she doesn't have to dirty her gorge new beak.

Be nice to animals. They deserve it.

xoxo

Nicole