I Can Dress Myself

Quick side note of the day:

if you find yourself bored, click the title of this post. It takes you to the virutal dressing room on the H&M site. Amusing.

xoxo
Nicole

Trendz

Maxi-dresses are so cute. Tots appropriate for those spring and summer days when you just need to be comfy.

Check out Old Navy for this cute dress, availible in black print also!

xoxo

Nicole

Fashion Tip For Sweaty Guys and Gals

Here is an amazing tip for sweaty bitches. If you get unsightly yellow pitstains there is an easy solution to keep your whites white.

Just pop an asprin tablet into your wash at the beginning of the cycle and all your pit sweat will go buh-bye.



xoxo
Nicole

Hotness Alert.

I don't care if he has more cooties than Wonky's vajay, or that he did the nasty with Lindsay Lohan. Jamie Burke is pretty hot.

xoxo

Nicole

Lipo Alert

Here's a picture of JLo baby-free.

Is it just me or did someone get a little suck and tuck?

xoxo

Nicole

Drunken Messes of The Day

This CANNOT Be Her Real Hair.

I just HAD to post this.

Does this hair look real to anyone? It looks like a fug dollar store wig to me. Is exposure to Tommy's radioactive brand of crazy causing her hair to fall out?

Katie, buy some better hair. Tom can afford it.

Or, you could always try eating a meal, I hear that ingesting actual nutrients helps to keep your hair in your scalp.

xoxo

Nicole

More Happy News For Tanorexics

I love Benefit Cosmetics. Love. I am obsessed with their old-school glamour and quality products.

Benefit just launched Talk to The Tan, a facial bronzer that is silky smooth and wonderous. I'm going to test this out when my gangsta Jen comes to visit me here in the MSP and we have a makeup extravaganza.

It retails for $26.00, click the title of this post to view on Sephora's site.

xoxo

Nicole

Good News For Tanorexics

I'll admit it. I'm tanorexic. I love tanning. I'm not going to look haggard because guess what bitches? I'M SICILIAN. We don't age from the sun. My fam is part Spanish. So, I'll enjoy my tans thankyouverymuch.

Howev, for all my fairskinned peeps there is now an affordable at home option that won't leave you a streaky hot mess.

Mystic Tan has developed an at home version of their famous salon tan. The Perfect Tan Kit above is $54.oo at Sephora. Click the title of this post to view.

xoxo

Nicole

Cholas of The Day

Fierce Chola Glamour.

This makes me want to put on heavy eyeliner.

xoxo

Nicole

What.

In case you can't make it out in this photo, Funbags Anderson has big ass bruises on her arms. She was on Craig Ferguson last night and he was like "wtf is this shit" and she proceeded to explain.... wait for it.... wait.......


that she was attacked by leeches when she was nine years old and her bruises are from that incedent.

Right. and Wino's crackface is really "impetigo".

Here's the truth bitches. I'm from the north. I have had a leech stuck to me after swimming in a lake. it's like nothing at all. It does not cause bruises that last 100 years. Tell no one I admit to that.

So, there is no way in hell her fucked up arm is from that. Thoughts on what it's from?

xoxo

Nicole

GOOOD MORNINGGGG MY PETTTSSS

Did you just vomit? Are you choking on your breakfast/lunch?

I know I said no fatass Perez on here, but in this picture he looks like the horrible fugly lovechild of Pete Wentz and Roseanne. And I love Roseanne.

Ewwww Perez, didn't your mommy teach you that you should only wear white if you are thin?

xoxo

Nicole

Not a Good Look Girls.

You would think that a fabulously gay fashion designer would know how to dress himself and his boyfriend.

Not the case.

Marc and Austin, you don't just need Cirque, you need fashion rehab. Let's get Posh to whoop them into shape for her new reality show.

xoxo
Nicole

Girly Drink Glamour.

I loveeee me some champs.

Whilst getting hammered with my Mother and Grandmother in AZ, we stumbled upon a great girly drink that is sure to please even whiny drinkers. Which I happen to be. If it doesn't taste great, I'm not consuming the empty calories.

Just mix equal parts Minute Maid Pomegranate Lemonade and Chandon Blanc de Noirs. Tots delish and it goes right to your head. Plus, it's got anti-oxidants!

PRESH.

xoxo

Nicole

HATERADE

Springtime makes people dress crazy.

I must have seen ten girls today wearing the UGGS and denim mini combo. Bitch, it's fourty degrees outside, if you need boots, your ass should not be wearing a skirt.

Take note, this look is only appropriate if you are seven and wearing leggings under a skirt with UGGS on your way to first grade. Other than that, please never wear this.

Also, I would like to mention that wearing open toe shoes when their is snow on the ground, in combination with a winter ensemble just makes you look like a fool.

Please google the weather and take note of that shit when getting dressed. Also, do not combine seasonality in clothing to this extreme. It's tacky.

xoxo

Nicole

Marie Antionette and Chocolate. Love.

Marie Antoinette loved chocolate. She was a hot bitch and we would have been BFF's.

Back in the day, in her royal boudoir, M.A. had to take a lot of medications. Poor bitch, I know how you feel. She hated it, so the Royal Chemist Sulpice Debauve developed solid bonbons for her to take her meds with.

After the revolution in France, Debauve opened a chocolate shop. It is still operational today. You can buy the assortment above on their site, at www.debauveandgallais.com.

I want to eat Marie Antoinette Chocolates!!!

xoxo
Nicole

I'm Not Suprised.

Mistress Tommy runs a tight ship. No time for sleeping apparently.

I'm not shocked that Katie is near death. Anyone with two eyes can see that she looks rode hard and put away wet.

According to STAR, Katie feels intense pressure to lose even more weight than she has already, and Tom's crazy energetic pace is running her ass ragged. I'm not surprised, if you've ever seen a queen with too much caffeine, you know how crazy that shit is. You know he runs around the house like Albert in The Birdcage.

The STAR also says that Katie is in charge of decorating their big ass house, and that Tom has told her it has to be a masterpiece. Bitch, just hire Tommy's boy toy to decorate that shit. You know the gays love to decorate.

Free Katie.

xoxo
Nicole

Crack Attack

FINALLY. According to those credible bastards at The Sun, Wino has finally agreed to take a little trippy trip to rehab, and has *GASP* admitted she has a problem.

Howevs, apparently there is toooo much temptation for Wino in the UK, and her management team is trying to ship her off to somewhere far far away to dry out. Like South Africa far away.

Best of luck girl. Hope the crack face clears up.

xoxo
Nicole


PHOTO: DLISTED

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I know this has been all over the internets for like, a week now. Excuse me, but I was very busy vomiting.




The new Heatherette for MAC line is now avail on the MAC website. So amaz.


The dual edge eye pencils are super cute. I'm definately going to get some. Check it out on the M.A.C. website, or on Thursday in stores!!

xoxo
Nicole

Beyonce Needs To Stop.

Trick please. I don't buy her imitation Tyra-esqe angry face. It sure as shit won't make me buy any of that trashy-ass Dereon shit. It's fug. Trust. I saw some at Marshalls.

I'm OVER YOU B. OVER.

xoxo

Nicole

File This Under Majorly Disturbing

Like Goddess Bunny, except a little less scary.

xoxo

Nicole

T.I. Has Way Too Many Kids.

Here's T.I. and his fam at Easter Service at the Georgia Dome.

The kids in the front are his, and the chick behind Tiny, his baby momma, is someone else. Tiny is also preg with another kid and looks all sorts of haggard. I know you aren't supposed to say that about pregnant ladies but I really have no morals in that regard.

Preach.

xoxo

Nicole

PHOTO: SANDRAROSE.COM

Work It Girls.

Marc and his fierce boyfriend Austin at fugly Perez Hilton's birthday. Why they would grace his fat ass with their fierce presence, I have no idea.

Love the man-dals on both of them. zexy.

xoxo

Nicole

Brit on "How I Met Your Mother"

She's BAAAAAACK. Here's a few previews of Britney on How I Met Your Mother. She's funny, and she looks normal. Progress.

xoxo

Nicole

Ok, I'm Finally Getting Better.

I know you've all been crying for me. SORRY. I couldn't get my head out of the toilet. I look fierce as hell though. Like I spent two weeks with Doctor Wiel getting detoxed.

Let's just jump right in shall we? I can't even try to catch up with everything I missed.

xoxo
Nicole