Wino and Blaaakeee Part Deux

Here's Wino and Blaaakeee Part Deux arriving in Gay Pareeee where Wino performed at Fashion Week. Word is she made a cool million to perform one song. Damn. One song and a little crack addict trembling and she gets a million dollars? What the hell.

Dlisted always says that Blaaaakee Part Deux looks like the Virgin Mary because he always walks with his head all cock-eyed. I see it, don't you? Except I think that the Virg was probably way hotter than this mess.

xoxo

Nicole

Photo: Dlisted

Diamondssss Arrrre Foreverrrrrrrr

Acting on a tip from one of my main bitches Jessie, I stopped by ULTA to try out this eyeshadow. I was hesitant because it kind of looked like a chalky mess in the case, but Jessie swore up and down it was heaven on her lids.

I have to agree. It's insanely sparkly, I got it in gold. It's sheer, but when the light catches it WHABAM! Instant glamour.

xoxo

Nicole

Amazing Find of The Day

These little springtime beauties were only $14.95 at DSW!!! They looked great with my jeans, and will be cute with shorts too! That is, if I can ever get over my shorts anxiety. I'm going on a diet tomorrow. Don't judge me you judgers. Say a lil prayer to jesusbhuddalilammayahwehallah for me that I can lose some of my winter comfort layer in the next two weeks. Just a lil' would be nice. I'm not going all Olsen on you bitches, just time to shape up for spring.

xoxo

Nicole

I'm Going Shopping, I'll Be Ready to Share My Finds This Evening.

Expect a series of posts tonight about what I saw/bought today while shopping.

I think I may even have to do some people watching so we can discuss the fug that is prevalent at the Mall of America.

xoxo
Nicole

This is So Sad.

Children, let this be a lesson to you that clenbuterol, adderal, meth and Petron don't mix.

Here's Kelly O. who I used to simply adore, stumbling out of some hotspot. She looks all sorts of haggard. I hope Sharon kicks her ass for looking a mess in public. You know Sharon doesn't approve of that shit. She's at home in her diamond encrusted bathtub with her twelve servants scrubbing her surgically enhanced ass going "Ozzzzyyyyyy Kellyyyy needs rehab againnnn". Love and adore Sharon. Kelly needs to lay off the clenny and go back to normal.

xoxo

Nicole

Photo: Dlisted

Lipstick Can Be Your Friend.

I am usually a gloss gal. I just am not a fan of lipstick and I feel that it can be very drying. Most ladieeez I know feel similar, and stick to gloss because it's sexy and shiny.

Howevs, this great lipstick from Sephora promises to be natural looking, semi-sheer, and hydrating. I just might give it a try. I need some red lipstick in my life. I'll let you know how I like it!

xoxo

Nicole

WTF

Here's MK at the Giambattista Valli show in Paris looking like your "artistic" and creepy great aunt. Bleh.

xoxo

Nicole

Photo: Dlisted

Blakkkeeeee Part Deux

For those of you who don't know who this glamazon is, it's Blakeeeee part deux, Wino's new possibly gay bff. She replaced Blakkeeeee Incarcerated with this Blakeeeee because she can really only remember one name. Shit, his name might be something else but she just calls him Blaaakeeee.

My gaydar doesn't exactly go crazy when I look at him. He looks like some sad kid I went to highschool with that can't get any girls and has wierd dungeon fetish fantasies. But, if he is gay, it's totally in a woman-suit wearing "put the lotion in the basket" sort of way. Ewwww.

xoxo

Nicole

Photo: Dlisted

Oh Mimi.

I wonder how many different meds Mariah takes each day. I bet its a shitload, because this look is busted.

Mariah. Honey. You look like the chola girls that I went to middle school with, lingerie top and all. The puffy Missy Elliot coat circa "I can't stand the rain" is just foul. Hire a stylist. Hire The Zoe. I hear she's looking for new clients ever since The Devine Queen Ms. Wintour put her on the fashion blacklist for life. Hey, at least she'll supply you with all the Clenbuterol you could ever want.

xoxo

Nicole

Thank God For Small Favors

Let's just take a minute and appreciate the baby steps taken by Brit to clean up that weave. It's not PERFECT, but the color is decent, and dare I say her hair looks like its been combed and possibly WASHED. The weave looks better and it's not so gross at the scalp.

Kudos Brit. Hair maintenence is the first step back to glamour.

xoxo

Nicole

Photo: Dlisted

HATERADE PART DEUX

Again, I have to say I cannot include a picture with this post because I do not want Perez's FAT ASS fugging up my shit. This blog is amazing and I don't want his face disturbing my readers.

I ask you to boycott Perez because that freakshow did his own little version of Haterade on Diablo Cody. What P-fugly needs to understand about us bitches up here in the MSP is that we stick up for our own. Diablo is GLAMOUR. Perez just wishes he was so fly.

So Perez, I will find you and I will choke you with your rediculous Hello Kitty showercap. Keep Diablo's name out yo' mouth!


xoxo
Nicole

I Know I Said I Wouldn't Wear Gladiator Sandals, But....

...this gladiator sandal from TOPSHOP is pretty gorge. It's STUDDED for shits sake. I love this shoe. I might order it online. It's 22 pounds, which is what, like 44 dollars? pretty close? So worth it for this piece of fabulosity. They will be so hot with denim. Click the title of this post to drool over them yourself.

xoxo

Nicole

HOT CHIP!

I am really into Hot Chip right now. They are this amazing British electropop/rock/dance band and I adore them. Their music gives me the same feeling that a few Captain and Diets mixed with my Celexa does. In otherwords, I feel like a happy, giddy, dancing mess whenever I listen to Hot Chip. Except, I don't go home and vomit from the bedspins.

You need to log on to your internets and download them. Yes, I said internets.

xoxo

Nicole

Discount Glamour

I was browsing through my posts and it occured to me I needed to do a post on discount glamour. I have a few little tricks up my fabulous sleeves on where I shop for clothes/beauty products that are very discount glam. So, here are a few. Don't judge me you judgers, I can love Vivienne Westwood and Big Lots equally. No lie.


So first, some stores.

1. For Love 21 - This place is THE SHIT for up to the minute trendy accessories on the cheap. YES, I know the owners are psycho evangelicals, but hey, anywhere I can get cute jewels for cheap, I'm in.
2. Rainbow - This spot is ghetto fab. We're talking shoes for $16.99 and cute dresses and tanks in the summertime. I'm not a big fan of their winter selection. The clothes are sometimes ill-fitting, but if you have the time to try on a lot of shiz, give Rainbow a try.
3. Ragstock - I am in love with the Uptown MLPS Ragstock. It's by far the best one. They carry a trendy yet avant garde selection of cheap new clothes, and a TON TON TON of what they call "recycled clothing", so basically thrift store shit. But they handpick their thrift selection and I have to say that this store has one of the best thrift selections in town. FUCK YOU EVERYDAY PEOPLE.
4. Gabriel Brothers - This is probably one of the best stores ever. I have visited them in Pittsburgh, and they are amazing. Slightly ghetto, but they have Betseyville, Academiks, pretty cute shoes and boots, and good accessories. I got a leopard hoodie there that I wore and washed so much, it's practically worn out.
5. And the usual spots, Marshalls, the TJ's in SLP

Beauty Products are pretty easy to find on the cheap. I happen to prefer to shop at ULTA when I'm looking for drugstore brands, because they carry an expanded selection, plus their own stuff which is amazing. Other brands I use are L'Oreal HIP, Max Factor, and I love Cover Girl Lash Blast mascara. I also exclusively use Neutrogena facial products. I think they work so well, and it really washes off the stank with amazing results.

There. I feel better. I just wanted to show that I am tots an equal opportunity shopper. I love my expensive shit, but I also know a bargain when I see one.

xoxo

Nicole

I'm Having Shorts Anxiety.

Oh my sweet god. I'm having a panic. Someone find my Celexa. I AM NOT READY FOR SHORTS.

I am going on a small vacay in a few weeks. I have to wear shorts. I have major anxiety about this. I'm not going to be one of those bitches that lies and says "oh I LOVE shorts! Shopping for shorts is SO FUN!" It's not fun. No one likes it. No one likes showing their legs that haven't seen daylight in 6 months. The celulite is real easy to spot that way. *sigh*

I kind of like these shorts posted above. They're from urban. Anyone like them? Suggestions on how to get over shorts anxiety? I have a big booty and it causes me problems in the shorts department. That's what I get for being Sicilian. Don't judge me you judgers. I feel it.

xoxo

Nicole

WTF

File this under very bad fucking ideas.



These shoes are the brainchild of Antonio Berardi. Posh, Gwyeneth, and Uma have already purchased pairs of these horrendous shoes. I can just see Posh rationalizing this in her alien head. "Well, if I wear these I will look so may-jah, and my pencil-like legs will also look may-jahly skinny. I'll take one in every color."



This reminds me of Chineese footbinding, and that's disgusting. This is one fashion I cannot rock with. Sorry.


xoxo
Nicole


Photo: Dlisted.

Amazing.

God, Dlisted is going to start to hate me. I am taking all their pics. Whatever. If you ever read this, I LOVE YOU DLISTED!!! YOU'RE AMAZING!!

Some hot piece named Jade sent this to Dlisted, for their caption of the day contest. I had to repost it immediately because it is amazing gay glamour. When I saw this, my inner hag just went "omg! I want to be their best friend!"

They look like a gay Menudo. So sexy.

xoxo

Nicole

Good Mornnnnninggggg

I needed some glamour this morning.

Here's VB in Toronto promoting her fashion line, DVB.

Is that a smile I see there Vic? Just a little one?

xoxo

Nicole

Photo: I'm Not Obsessed.

Look-Alike Bag Alert

*Police Sirens* LOOK-ALIKE BAG ALERT!!!!

This gorge Manolo clutch is rediculously expensive. But, you can get the leopard clutch look for less!!!

I found this great Betseyville clutch on Zappos.com and it's tots a steal.

Click the title of this post to check it out!!

xoxo

Nicole

I'm Feeling So Honest Today.

Lindsay.

You are not a fat girl. You aren't.

HOWEVER. These shorts DO NOTHING FOR YOUR LEGS. Those shorts belong on your hot mess little sister. They are made for pre-teens that do not have voluptuous thighs and hips. Take them off. You look a mess.

You were doing ok for a minute there. Not tooooooo many bad outfit choices. I could even rock with you on the leggings obsession. I just cannot deal with this look. Give the shorts to Ali.

xoxo

Nicole

Photo: Dlisted.

My Struggles With Blush

So. I can NEVER find the right shade of blush. Ever. I either can't see it on my skin, or I end up looking like a tranny geisha.

I know, I know NARS NARS NARS. Everyone loves his blush. I just can't afford the shit right now. Give me a break. I just bought all that Benefit last week.

Howevs. Today I came across a lovely cream blush by ULTA. The shade is Bashful. It's pretty amazing. It's bright, but not too bright. It gives me a nice flush with a little shimmer (which is a must for me considering I'm a glitter whore).

Try it. It's only $6.50 and I believe it's part of a GWP right now. If you buy $17.50 of ULTA brand cosmetics, you get a whole bunch of goodies for free. They don't mess around with free gifts either. They give good shit.

xoxo

Nicole

*Angels Singing*

I thought that L'Oreal had taken Glam Shine off the market. I wore it FOREVER, and then all of a sudden I couldn't find it in Walgreens, Target, or any other drugstore. I was so distraught. I searched high and low for a suitable replacement, and alas, there was never anything quite like it.

TODAY I FOUND IT!!! It's been hiding under my nose at ULTA all along. I love this lip gloss for quite a few reasons. First, it gives your lips such glittery dimension, it looks like you just fell out of a drag queen's ass. We all know how I love that. Second, it's not sticky or goopy at all. Usually glitter glosses have wierd lumps of glitter. Not the case with this little beauty.

Best part? It's only $9.49. Glorious. My shade is DIVA, and it's like a glitter explosion.

xoxo

Nicole

Aubrey, We Need to Talk.

This picture truly describes the drastic change that Aubrey's look has gone through since joining DK.


Aubrey, darling, You were so fresh and cute at the beginning of your MTV journey. You now remind me of Joan Van Ark.


This uber-tan bottle blonde look does not work for you.


Forgive me DK, I do love your music. I just miss Aubrey's freshness.

xoxo
Nicole

This Cannot Be True.

I'm pretty sure that's just bloating Adnan. Someone's just looking for a meal ticket, and that someone is Adnan.


Everyone's fave rag STAR is reporting that Brit is knocked up. I don't believe this AT ALL.
It's pretty laughable though.

xoxo
Nicole

Photo: Dlisted

RiRi's Got a Boyfriend... RiRi's Got a Boyfriend...

...and it's Chris Brown!



There were rumors of this for a minute now, but this is the first photo of them together in a romantical setting.


These two pieces of lushiousness were in Jamacia, where Chris threw a 20th Bday party for RiRi. Princess Ri also performed at a charity event there.



I love them as a couple. LOVE.

xoxo
Nicole

Good Mornnnnninggggg

It's Chrissy bitch.

I just thought you'd like to see some glamour this morning, before the monotony of your day takes over.

Photo: I'm Not Obsessed

HATERADE

I didn't post a picture on this edition of HATERADE, because I don't want Perez fugging up my blog. My blog is gorge and I don't want that rainbow-haired monster on it.


I am so over Perez, and I just read a post on his page that made me want to watch him be eaten by warthogs. Ew. He would probs like that. He's into hogs.


The always gorgeous Naomi C. had to be hospitalized today to remove a cyst from her body. Perez felt the need to report that it was an ovarian cyst. HOW EMBARASSING for Naomi. I'm sorry, but PEREZ, YOU DO NOT NEED TO BE DISCUSSING CELEBRITIES OVARIES.


It's not like she bitchslapped someone, or showed her va-jayg in public. She clearly didn't make a statement on her condition for a reason. OVARIES ARE PERSONAL.


I know I write gossip on here, but in all seriousness, I just think that discussing a woman's ovaries is a line that should not be crossed.


Get well Naomi! Fuck you Perez!

STILLLLA... STILLLLLAAAAAAAA

Ok, I admit it. The title of this post is a very bad pun on a classic movie line. I couldn't resist.

Stilla's "Best of Stila" set is so glamourous. I saw it at ULTA the other day and nearly bought it. Next time.

The gorge set is only $40.00 and... wait for it... waittttt.... is really worth $120.50. I think it has to do with the fact that Stila is new to ULTA and this is there way of showing us beauty junkies some luv.

It includes:

• 1.7 Oz. Stila Illuminating Tinted Moisturizer with SPF 15


• Stila Convertible Eye Color in Onyx


• Stila Major Lash Mascara


• Stila Lip Glaze in Brown Sugar


• Stila Eye Shadow in Kitten


• Stila Convertible Color Dual Lip and Cheek Cream in Peony

Amazing. Click the title of this post to view on ULTA's site.

xoxo
Nicole

Look-Alike Bag Alert

Well, imagine my suprise when this Cole Hann bag popped up on my computer screen today in my Vanity Fair widget.

It looks suspiciously like a bag I posted last week as part of my "Trashbag Chic" post, no?

Well bitches, the Steve Madden bag I posted is a mere $78.00 compared with the look-alike Cole Hann bag which retails for $495.00. Click the title of this post to view it on Steveie's website.

Ha! Outsmarting the man. One dollar at a time.

xoxo

Nicole

I Will Always Love You Aveda

It occured to me that I haven't been discussing haircare or products enough. For those of you that know me, my giant mane is always a source of either pride or frustration for me.

I was poking around on the Aveda website, and I found something that I am absolutely going to try this spring and summer.

Aveda Smooth Infusion Style-Prep Smoother is probably going to save my life in the hot weather. It has 12 hour humidity defense, which I can't believe didn't come out sooner. All you big haired mommas give this a try in the humidity. I know I will.

Where have you been all my life?!?! My hair looks like a tranny wig when it gets humid.

Try it out and let me know what you think. I'll be picking some up at my next appt.

xoxo

Nicole

Aggie on the cover of TIME

Agyness on the cover of TIME.

Yes I stole this pic from PEREZ, but I couldn't find it elsewhere.

Snaps to you Aggie.

Vivienne Westwood Fall 2008 Ready to Wear

Considering that I basically worship at the Vivienne Westwood altar, I needed to post some pics of her new fall RTW line. I chose some of my faves.

Its artistic, global, yet still very Viv. I smell the NYC in the clothes. Love.

xoxo

Nicole

Coco is So Classy.

The epitome of class, Coco showed up to the Children Uniting Nations Oscar party looking like a sweet classy sophisticated lady. That outfit is so chic, I'm sure Valentino will come out of retirement to make a collection inspired by it. She'll be his muse.

I hope you can smell the sarcasm, because I'm not sure I can lay it on any thicker.

Anyway, at least her nipples are covered.

This is Truly Glorious

*SCREAMS AND WAVES HANDS*

This is the first great picture I found of the new Heatherette for M.A.C. line!!!!

I don't think this is all of it, although I can't be sure. If you'll notice, the pencils are not in the same packaging, so this is obviously a sample given to a makeup artist or something. So, my guess is that there will be at least a few more shades of everything.

The eyeshadow trios are amazing, and I am loving that there will be loose glitter!!! Basically I love it all. I'm obsessed.

Photo: Makeup Alley

A Fourth Bourne Installment?

That's right. Apparently, according to Variety, there will be a fourth Bourne movie with Matt Damon in the lead role. Click the title of the post to read the article.

I love those movies.

They make me wish I was a government assassin.

xoxo

Nicole

Kanye is Coming

Strap in bitches, Kanye is coming.

The oh-so-modest rapper will be going on tour this spring with my girl Ri Ri, N.E.R.D, and Lupe. There is a rumor going around that Chris Brown might join the ticket also.

The Glow In The Dark Tour dates are already listed, click the title of this post to view.

I know I'm tots going. I anticipate lots of lasers and shizz. Fab.

xoxo
Nicole

What.

You're probably thinking to yourself, "who is this vision of glamour?"

Well bitches, it's none other than Joan Van Ark, best known for her role on Knots Landing.

Joanie worked the red carpet last night with full-on botox face.

xoxo
Nicole

Photo: Perez

HEATHERETTE FOR M.A.C. PHOTO!!! AHHHHHH!

I'm hyperventilating.

Here is another sneak peek picture of Heatherette for M.A.C..

This looks like loose glitter, or loose highly pigmented sparkly shadow.

31 days and counting.

Rebecca Miller Busts Out The Fug For Oscar Night

Daniel Day-Lewis's wife Rebecca looked ten shades of fug last night.

I really have nothing more to say, this look speaks for itself.

Photo: Dlisted

Is It Just Me or Does Tilda Look Like a Lemur?

"Blah blah Tilda was amazing in Narnia blah blah blah........"

Tilda is a lemur bitches. Get over it.

This woman is so creepy and white and her eyes remind me of Brit after some Purple Drank.

Gross.

Congrats though Tild. You work that lemur vibe.

xoxo
Nicole

Helen Mirren Looks Good, Actually.

Helen looks pretty fierce in this outfit. I don't give two shits if you don't like it, she is really working this red with jeweled sleeves.

Usually she looks old as hell to me, but tonight she looks good.

Ah whatevs, she'll always be The Queen to me.

xoxo

Nicole

Photo: AP

DIABLO CODY WINS BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY OSCAR!

In all seriousness, it is amazing that Diablo won an Oscar tonight. I know I poked fun at her earlier, but I really have alot of respect for a person who can be so fearless in following their dreams and living exactly they way they want to. I honestly try to do that everyday.

Plus, she is the epitome of Trashbag Chic. I love her.

Kisses Diablo, and Congraulations from your fans in the MSP!

xoxo
Nicole

Am I the Only One Annoyed By the Oscar Sing-Along Performances?

So far this evening Amy Adams, Kirsten Chenoweth, and some child with a choir have had performances on one of the ONLY MAJOR AWARDS SHOWS THAT HAS HAPPENED THIS SEASON.

Where is Xtina with her giant chi-chis? Where is Beyonce butchering classing musical theater songs? Not even Jordan Sparks or some other equally C list American Idol singer is on hand to sing?!?!

What in the hell.

Diablo Cody is Amazing

Diablo Cody is the hot piece from the Minneap who wrote JUNO.

First of all, I love that movie.

Second of all, I love that she is a reformed stripper.

Third of all, I love that she wore leopard to the Oscars. Represent for all us tacky divas in MSP Diablo! We love you!

Also, incase you didn't know, there was major dramz about what shoes she was going to wear. Shoe making bitch Stewart Weitzman made some million dollar shoes and stated that Diablo would wear them to the Oscars. Well, no dice Stewie. Apparently Diablo felt this was a "publicity stunt" and that no one asked her if she would wear them. So, the glamour that is Diablo probably went to Rainbow and got these $15.00 ballet flats instead. Love her.

xoxo

Nicole

Photo: Dlisted

Mineral Powder Shadows Are Like Velvet For Your Lids

I went a little crazy at Ulta yesterday. I am just completely obsessed with their version of Bare Minerals eyeshadows. The colors are practically identical, and ULTA's shadows are sparkly and smooth and don't feel cheap or like knockoffs at all. I have three colors now, and I really reccomend them!

xoxo

Nicole

THE DOG IS BACK

Thank you Jesus for this. I have not had NEARLY enough big ass blonde mullets in my life since the Chapmans went away. I can hardly wait to watch Beth chase down crackheads in her lucite heels. I can smell the Aquanet and Virginia Slims from here.

The Dog and clan will be back on A&E no premier date has been set yet. You can bet I'll be making a paper chain for this shiz too.

xoxo

Nicole

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

Here is my favorite old queen on the carpet tonight!!! The hair looks BETTER but the makeup is FUG.

I admit it. I watched WILD HOGS with Queen Johnny today. It was hysterical watching his ass on a motorcycle.

xoxo

Nicole

Photo: Dlisted