Olympic Opening Ceremony Oufit Recap

DISCLAIMER. I UNDERSTAND THAT THAT SOME/MOST OF THESE OUTFITS ARE TRADITIONAL DRESS. IF YOU CAN'T TAKE SOME TEASING, DON'T READ ON. IT'S ALL IN GOOD FUN.

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So, Where the hell is the Marshall Islands? I respect the nod to island life that is achieved by wearing straw around the neck.

Turkmenistan? Nice puke green outfits. Seriously.

I thought Malawi would have had Madonna holding David Banda as their flag bearer, it would have been more entertaining than their outfits.

Nice unibrow on the Greek guys. wax bitches.

Ecuador...sweet tracksuits. Also, I love that there were clearly some gays in the crowd of athletes.

Eritrea...what?

The Jamaicans looked cute... pretty hair and makeup Mon.

The Israelis were def cute, classic and appropriate. Very Ralph

Omg Gambia - bedsheets?

Sweet taffeta headdresses Benin!

OH SWEET GOD DENMARK. JEAN SHORTS?!?!?!? MAO WOULD NOT APPROVE.

Very Eastern Bloc of you Ukraine. Yellow socks and loafers.

I cannot stop staring at the neckerchiefs on the Bahamians.

The Pakistani athletes look like unhappy office workers.

I fear the Cuban athletes. Very severe grey, never flattering on any skin tones.

Rwanda - sweet zebra sheath. I want to borrow that in a size ten.

CAN THE ASIAN WOMEN PLEASE STOP CHEER LEADING - slow down or you will shimmy the water bottle holster straight off your hip.

Interesting silk skirt black pant combo Indonesia.

LITHUANIA! GRASSHOPPER INFESTATION!!! WHITE CLAM DIGGERS AND BRIGHT GREEN POLOS!

Nicaragua - Didn't know there was a DEB in your homeland. Nice tracksuits.

Canaydia - The fag with the flag is really excited. Did ROOTS go out of business? Not a nice gradient pattern. It's a bad look.

I bet Spain dyed their suits with Saffron.

Liechtenstein - Your flag bearer looks like John Mark Carr. Hide the Children.

BUSH IS SOOOO OVER THIS. HE WANTS TO GO HOME AND HAVE LAURA SPOON FEED HIM MOTTS APPLESAUCE WHILE HE PLAYS WORLD OF WARCRAFT.

Iran is a total sausage fest.

Hungary! What the hell! Are those knockoff Marimeko?

So, is Andora another planet? Are those spacesuits?

I can't take the Finnish dresses. Someone hold me up. Big shot put ladies in print?

The Croatian flag bearer just made an inappropriate tongue motion to the Asian cheer leaders.

DOES LAURA BUSH EVER MAKE A DIFFERENT FACIAL EXPRESSION?!?! *INSERT BLANK STARE*.

AZERBAIJAN- what.

Namibia has white men on the team? How does that happen.

In case you didn't know, the Latvians are all also hospital workers. Hence the outfits.

Great Britain has a fourteen year old child diver. He is just hitting puberty, so don't hate if he pops a boner before the high dive.

The Polish women are going to a ball after this. Just FYI.

OMG KAZAKHSTAN... WHAT IS GOING ON THERE...not right.

Bulgaria has some very tall women.

Syria stole some of Cuba's leftover outfits.

Hmm... We look good. Not terribly flashy, but classic. Designed by Ralph. Like the hats. You can tell who the volleyball girls are... blonde, screaming in the camera like they are on South Padre Spring Break. Definitely smoked a blunt behind the birds nest. Jesus Carmelo, get your braids redone for the damn Olympics.

Ok. I can't watch anymore. I'm exhausted.

Team USA forevs.

xoxo
Nicole

Michelle Obama on the Cover of EBONY

Finally. A potential first lady that doesn't seem to be perpetually doped out on Lorazepam, wear hideous Dress Barn pantsuits, or remind me of Dame Judy Dench.

I love Michelle Obama, and Barack. They are a smart, real, normal, classy couple who are pretty hot and stylish. They get my vote.

TEAM BARACK!

xoxo
Nicole

PHOTO: CRUNK AND DISORDERLY.

Tyra Banks Makes ANTM Look Like A Bad 60's Movie Poster

Wow. Take a good, long look at this. Do you see what I see? Ms. J in the background looking like Beyonce in Austin Powers Goldmember? Shit.

So, this is the new promo shot for America's Next Top Model "cycle" 11. I never liked that. "Cycle" sounds like menstrual cycle. It's season 11. Whatever. I want to know what kind of Hippie delusions Tyra was having when she chose this theme. You know she was thinking "This is going to start a revival! I want to make this season look like a multi-cultural acid trip on Portobello Road!

Notice how the only one not working the theme is Jay Manuel. The only look he has is gay seventies roller disco boy in ass-huggers.

xoxo
Nicole

Hi, My Name Is Solange and I Wear Dollar Store Hair.

View the picture on the far left. Enough said. I think one of my Barbies had this same hairstyle after I put Dep in it and cut it with my mother's herb scissors.

xoxo
Nicole

PHOTO: Crunk and Disorderly.

Making The Band Three Season 3 Trailer: AKA: This Is What I'm Watching If I Ignore Your Calls

Ooooh snap. Danity Kane is back with the tranny weaves and busted eye makeup. I'm popping my kettle corn already.

I thought Diddy had a conversation with them regarding looking like dollar store hood rats? Aubrey must have had too much Aquanet and K-Y in her ears to hear him properly.

I'm ready to see Donnie Klang try to sing his Guido ass off, faux J.T style, and I'm definitely hoping for another appearance by Sevin.

But, the best part of this is... wait for it... wait for it... THE RETURN OF BOOM-KAT HERSELF, LAURIE ANN GIBSON!!! Jesus, hold me up.

xoxo
Nicole

I Know. I'm an Epic Disappointment.

So, my life has been disastrous lately and this blog has suffered as a result.

As we all know, I moved to take an awesome job. I now live in South Florida and it's amaz.

However. I made the mistake of hiring the WORST moving company on the face of the Earth. (NOTE TO OLYMPIC MOVING AND STORAGE: GO FUCK YOURSELVES.)

I have been here for a whole month with NONE of my belongings, and I have ended up paying about twice what I was originally told it would cost.

Needless to say, I've been dealing with that and starting a new job so things around here have sucked.

GOOD NEWS THOUGH!

My things are coming today! My life will be normal again! I don't have to repeat outfits! AND...... I will begin to blog again. I promise. Really.

So, enjoy this video. How much hair gel does it take to make one Jersey guy happy?

xoxo
Nicole

The "Why In The Crazy Hell Are You Dressed Like That" Photo of the Week.

Both of these outfits are HURTING. Wow.

Boo on the left, her outfit reminds me of the leftover sale rack at WetSeal. Boo on the right, her outfit is like an Ed Hardy knockoff nylon nightmare. Are those pants? Nylons? I'm confused. The lace at the bottom doesn't help.

Look in a mirror ladiez, look in a mirror.

xoxo
Nicole