Alien Baby Is Growing Up So Fast.

Only Zenu's chosen ones would walk down the street looking like an Annie L. photograph.

Alien Baby is growing up so fast and is clearly learning that the quicker she grows up, the quicker she can get the hell out of the horror show that is her life.

Loving the dress on her, loving the whole look. She had better become estranged from them in her thirties and write a tell-all. DO IT SURI, THE WORLD NEEDS TO KNOW!

xoxo
Nicole

Could Tom and Katie BE More CREEPY?

Zoom in on this bitch. Seriously, I dare you.



Why on God's green earth is Katie looking more and more like a tall twink as the days go by? I am not liking the hair, and I suspect that Queen Tom did that makeup on her.



Tom, wearing Isabella's emo jeans with WHITE K-Swiss in combination with your tight ass shirt and moobs isn't cute. It just makes you look like a gay pedophile.




xoxo
Nicole



Photo: Dlisted.

I'm Baaaaaaaaaack

What better way to welcome you all back to my little slice of the internets than by posting a picture of Katie "I'm normal I swear!" Cruise (Holmes.), her big gayelle husband and alien baby celebrating our country's independence from those British prudes.

Homegirl looks SICK. Like, someone needs to stop the vegetable oil and niacin cleanses because her liver is about to go on a permanent vaycay. She must have permanent diahree. Nast.

In case you're wondering, the move went well. I am now a certified beach bum. I have an ankle bracelet and everything. Don't judge. I'm bringing it back. My posts may be infrequent for the next few days, but I'm back and ready to rage.

Let the gossip commence!

xoxo
Nicole

Photo: Dlisted.

This Looks Enjoyable.

God, they look so HAPPY.

Did you sense the sarcasm?

So, instead of spending Mother's Day with their MOTHER Nicole Kidman, the Cruise children were instead shackled to Tommy and Robot Katie. Excuse me, KATE. They went to one of DBeck's soccer games. What a totally un-fun way to spend mother's day. If I were Katie I would have demanded a golden statue erected in my honor and two hours alone with DBecks.

Happy Mother's Day Y'all.

xoxo

Nicole

PHOTO: Dlisted

Alien Best Friends.

"Best friendzzzz best friendzzzz are weeeeeee"

So, word on Dlisted is that Mistress Tommy doesn't like the fact that Katie and Posh are friends. Apparently, he blames Posh for Katie's extreme weight loss. She has been following Posh's 900 calorie a day eating plan to keep her weight down to ano-standards. Gross.

I'm pretty sure I eat twice that in a day. At least. No wonder they both look haggard as sin. This photo of Katie makes her look like she belongs on "Designing Women" circa 1990. Posh always looks frightening, so I'm used to it.

Please eat girls, if you die, who will I make fun of? Well, there's always Wonks.

xoxo

Nicole

PHOTO: Dlisted

This CANNOT Be Her Real Hair.

I just HAD to post this.

Does this hair look real to anyone? It looks like a fug dollar store wig to me. Is exposure to Tommy's radioactive brand of crazy causing her hair to fall out?

Katie, buy some better hair. Tom can afford it.

Or, you could always try eating a meal, I hear that ingesting actual nutrients helps to keep your hair in your scalp.

xoxo

Nicole

I'm Not Suprised.

Mistress Tommy runs a tight ship. No time for sleeping apparently.

I'm not shocked that Katie is near death. Anyone with two eyes can see that she looks rode hard and put away wet.

According to STAR, Katie feels intense pressure to lose even more weight than she has already, and Tom's crazy energetic pace is running her ass ragged. I'm not surprised, if you've ever seen a queen with too much caffeine, you know how crazy that shit is. You know he runs around the house like Albert in The Birdcage.

The STAR also says that Katie is in charge of decorating their big ass house, and that Tom has told her it has to be a masterpiece. Bitch, just hire Tommy's boy toy to decorate that shit. You know the gays love to decorate.

Free Katie.

xoxo
Nicole