Michelle Obama on the Cover of EBONY

Finally. A potential first lady that doesn't seem to be perpetually doped out on Lorazepam, wear hideous Dress Barn pantsuits, or remind me of Dame Judy Dench.

I love Michelle Obama, and Barack. They are a smart, real, normal, classy couple who are pretty hot and stylish. They get my vote.

TEAM BARACK!

xoxo
Nicole

PHOTO: CRUNK AND DISORDERLY.

Tyra Banks Makes ANTM Look Like A Bad 60's Movie Poster

Wow. Take a good, long look at this. Do you see what I see? Ms. J in the background looking like Beyonce in Austin Powers Goldmember? Shit.

So, this is the new promo shot for America's Next Top Model "cycle" 11. I never liked that. "Cycle" sounds like menstrual cycle. It's season 11. Whatever. I want to know what kind of Hippie delusions Tyra was having when she chose this theme. You know she was thinking "This is going to start a revival! I want to make this season look like a multi-cultural acid trip on Portobello Road!

Notice how the only one not working the theme is Jay Manuel. The only look he has is gay seventies roller disco boy in ass-huggers.

xoxo
Nicole

Hi, My Name Is Solange and I Wear Dollar Store Hair.

View the picture on the far left. Enough said. I think one of my Barbies had this same hairstyle after I put Dep in it and cut it with my mother's herb scissors.

xoxo
Nicole

PHOTO: Crunk and Disorderly.

Making The Band Three Season 3 Trailer: AKA: This Is What I'm Watching If I Ignore Your Calls

Ooooh snap. Danity Kane is back with the tranny weaves and busted eye makeup. I'm popping my kettle corn already.

I thought Diddy had a conversation with them regarding looking like dollar store hood rats? Aubrey must have had too much Aquanet and K-Y in her ears to hear him properly.

I'm ready to see Donnie Klang try to sing his Guido ass off, faux J.T style, and I'm definitely hoping for another appearance by Sevin.

But, the best part of this is... wait for it... wait for it... THE RETURN OF BOOM-KAT HERSELF, LAURIE ANN GIBSON!!! Jesus, hold me up.

xoxo
Nicole

I Know. I'm an Epic Disappointment.

So, my life has been disastrous lately and this blog has suffered as a result.

As we all know, I moved to take an awesome job. I now live in South Florida and it's amaz.

However. I made the mistake of hiring the WORST moving company on the face of the Earth. (NOTE TO OLYMPIC MOVING AND STORAGE: GO FUCK YOURSELVES.)

I have been here for a whole month with NONE of my belongings, and I have ended up paying about twice what I was originally told it would cost.

Needless to say, I've been dealing with that and starting a new job so things around here have sucked.

GOOD NEWS THOUGH!

My things are coming today! My life will be normal again! I don't have to repeat outfits! AND...... I will begin to blog again. I promise. Really.

So, enjoy this video. How much hair gel does it take to make one Jersey guy happy?

xoxo
Nicole

The "Why In The Crazy Hell Are You Dressed Like That" Photo of the Week.

Both of these outfits are HURTING. Wow.

Boo on the left, her outfit reminds me of the leftover sale rack at WetSeal. Boo on the right, her outfit is like an Ed Hardy knockoff nylon nightmare. Are those pants? Nylons? I'm confused. The lace at the bottom doesn't help.

Look in a mirror ladiez, look in a mirror.

xoxo
Nicole

I'm Baaaaaaaaaack

What better way to welcome you all back to my little slice of the internets than by posting a picture of Katie "I'm normal I swear!" Cruise (Holmes.), her big gayelle husband and alien baby celebrating our country's independence from those British prudes.

Homegirl looks SICK. Like, someone needs to stop the vegetable oil and niacin cleanses because her liver is about to go on a permanent vaycay. She must have permanent diahree. Nast.

In case you're wondering, the move went well. I am now a certified beach bum. I have an ankle bracelet and everything. Don't judge. I'm bringing it back. My posts may be infrequent for the next few days, but I'm back and ready to rage.

Let the gossip commence!

xoxo
Nicole

Photo: Dlisted.