Pamela Anderson Is So Classy And Fresh-Faced.

Here's Pammy looking like the classy version of your favorite local Denny's waitress at a recent event in Las Vegas.

I mean, wow. When I dream of beauty, this is the vision that comes to me.

xoxo
Nicole

Michelle Duggar Pops Out Number 18 Tonight on TLC

Michelle Duggar popped out another one... blah blah blah. *yawn* This ho having a baby is old ass news. Call me when she decides to get her tubes tied, or snip papa Duggar's wenis. Then I'll care.

Tonight on TLC you can see number 18 come marching out to greet his/her fresh-faced family of Arkansas child-lovers.

xoxo
Nicole

Amy Winehouse Actually Exposes Her Flesh To Something Other Than Crack Smoke

I'm sorry if I've just ruined your day.

I know these photos are all over the interwebs, and surprisingly, I'm not really upset that shes topless. I mean, I'm not a fan of her crack nips hanging out, but her HAIR is the truly disturbing thing about this photo.

This is like a cruel joke. The hive that I have idolized for so long is MIA. In it's place, we get this strange mop that reminds me of a small Jewish boy. (PS: I love the Jewish people and their flowing locks. I also regularly practice Jewish guilt.)

I am going to rat my hair into a hive tonight, just to mourn. Someone, get a stylist to her STAT with several packs o' yak and some Elmer's Glue.

xoxo
Nicole

I'm Back. Miss Me?

Miss me? Thought so.

My life has been an abyss of loneliness without you. OK, not really. But I have felt a naggy loneliness, kind of like how I feel with there are no new episodes of SVU on TV for a long time. So, you're about equal with Mariska Hargitay in my mind.

We have so much to catch up on.

1. The Britney Comeback - I TOLD YOU SO. She might still be hopped up on a mix of Clonozopam and Abilify but I see improvement.

2. Barack - HOLLA!

3. The Inevitable Death of Wino - I'm still on death watch for our fave crackie.

4. The Rachel Zoe Project - Clearly, Brad was the star of the season. He's like a classier, less tranny loving version of Christian.

5. The recession - Selling ass on Craigslist looks pretty good right about now.



ANYWAY ,

I missed you dahlings. I hope no one hates me. Please stop back. I love you.

xoxox
Nicole

Going Bye Bye

So, running a real fully functioning blog is just... really too much for me right now. I'm getting frown lines and bags under my eyes. It's not cute. Between the blogs I run for work, and just generally being fabulous, I don't have the time.

Howevs, I remain committed to providing you with snark and sass via my microblog on TUMBLR and TWITTER. It's just easier on those sites.

Here are the addresses for both:

http://nicoleelise.tumblr.com/

http://twitter.com/NicoleElise

I'm not getting rid of New Obsesh quite yet, but we are on indefinite hiatus until I can figure out how to basically do everything all the time.

So please visit me on Tumblr and Twitter, and link my Microblog!

xoxo
Nicole

Why Does DK Always Look SO HARD?!?!

Lawd. Why do these ladies always look so hard in the face. They remind me of 45 year old barflies. Like the kind of women you see trying so HARD shopping in the juniors section at Macy's.

Get over it. You're old.

Also - Auberella, please do us all a favor and keep up with your hair maintenance. If I have to look at your roots one more time...

I will still watch them though. Every week.

xoxo
Nicole

PHOTO: Just Jared.

Alien Baby, Meet Your Future Sister.

"This is what mommy is going to stuff up her shirt for the next nine months until we can purchase you a REAL sister."



Either that, or they could ask George Lucas to build one. We know that bitch is good at building robots. He probs runs the Scientology stepford wife factory.




xoxo
Nicole

Observations On The Return of Mistress Boom Kat

Sheeeeeessss backkkkkkkk!

BOOM... KAT BOOM KAT! Let's work!

So, we are 45 minutes into the first ep of the new season of Making the Band. AKA my reason to live.

Mistress Boom Kat is back in full effect and has so far called everyone either muff, peanut, or some variation.

I can't wait to see what other epic phrases she comes up with.

xoxo
Nicole

Drunk Blogging About Michael Phelps.

I'm trying a new thing. Drinking alone and blogging. Sounds delish and glamorous doesn't it? Not really, but until I can see my gay husbands Tyler and Jordan there really is no one worth wasting my expensive booze on. I am not a cheap drunk. That would be ridiculous.

Currently, I am sipping some MOET and wondering what it would be like to be royal.

God, I would make an excellent princess. Speaking of riches and gorgeousness. Check out sweet Michael Phelps above. God, can I PLEASE have his children. I don't care that he has Gomer Pyle face, I would hit it. He won like his five thousandth gold medal today. Whoopee. Get me a diamond tennis bracelet and I'll be impressed.


xoxo
Nicole

Wino Is No Longer Just A Beautiful Mess...

...she has full-on entered ugly as sin tragedy train wreck stage. Soooooo sad. If anyone can work the Camden Junkie-Chic look it's her, but this is like Sid and Nancy in the Chelsea Hotel covered in their own vomit ugly.

In case you are wondering, the tragic photo above is from her recent performance at The V Festival.

I'm officially on Wino Death Watch.

xoxo
Nicole

Photo: Dlisted.

Alien Baby Is Growing Up So Fast.

Only Zenu's chosen ones would walk down the street looking like an Annie L. photograph.

Alien Baby is growing up so fast and is clearly learning that the quicker she grows up, the quicker she can get the hell out of the horror show that is her life.

Loving the dress on her, loving the whole look. She had better become estranged from them in her thirties and write a tell-all. DO IT SURI, THE WORLD NEEDS TO KNOW!

xoxo
Nicole

Margaret Cho Is Amazing And Coming To A TV Near You.

God I love this woman. I love everything about her. She goes places in her acts that no one else dares to go, and I admire that so much.

Plus, the bit about her shitting her pants while on an all-fruit diet gets me every time.

The Cho's new show (aptly titled The Cho Show) will be premiering on VH1 August 21st. AKA: I will not pick up the phone if you call me. I'm sorry. Her midget assistant is far more entertaining than you.

xoxo
Nicole

Photo: A Socialites Life

Olympic Fever.

I am in LOVE. Michael Phelps is giving me straight up Olympic fever. Michael, please give a Sicilian girl a chance.



xoxo
Nicole

Is It Wrong That I Would Let Cilian Murphy Do This To Me?

... and that I would LOVE IT?

I was stalking one of my usual Facebook haunts and found this.

Sigh.

xoxo
Nicole

Could Tom and Katie BE More CREEPY?

Zoom in on this bitch. Seriously, I dare you.



Why on God's green earth is Katie looking more and more like a tall twink as the days go by? I am not liking the hair, and I suspect that Queen Tom did that makeup on her.



Tom, wearing Isabella's emo jeans with WHITE K-Swiss in combination with your tight ass shirt and moobs isn't cute. It just makes you look like a gay pedophile.




xoxo
Nicole



Photo: Dlisted.

Olympic Opening Ceremony Oufit Recap

DISCLAIMER. I UNDERSTAND THAT THAT SOME/MOST OF THESE OUTFITS ARE TRADITIONAL DRESS. IF YOU CAN'T TAKE SOME TEASING, DON'T READ ON. IT'S ALL IN GOOD FUN.

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So, Where the hell is the Marshall Islands? I respect the nod to island life that is achieved by wearing straw around the neck.

Turkmenistan? Nice puke green outfits. Seriously.

I thought Malawi would have had Madonna holding David Banda as their flag bearer, it would have been more entertaining than their outfits.

Nice unibrow on the Greek guys. wax bitches.

Ecuador...sweet tracksuits. Also, I love that there were clearly some gays in the crowd of athletes.

Eritrea...what?

The Jamaicans looked cute... pretty hair and makeup Mon.

The Israelis were def cute, classic and appropriate. Very Ralph

Omg Gambia - bedsheets?

Sweet taffeta headdresses Benin!

OH SWEET GOD DENMARK. JEAN SHORTS?!?!?!? MAO WOULD NOT APPROVE.

Very Eastern Bloc of you Ukraine. Yellow socks and loafers.

I cannot stop staring at the neckerchiefs on the Bahamians.

The Pakistani athletes look like unhappy office workers.

I fear the Cuban athletes. Very severe grey, never flattering on any skin tones.

Rwanda - sweet zebra sheath. I want to borrow that in a size ten.

CAN THE ASIAN WOMEN PLEASE STOP CHEER LEADING - slow down or you will shimmy the water bottle holster straight off your hip.

Interesting silk skirt black pant combo Indonesia.

LITHUANIA! GRASSHOPPER INFESTATION!!! WHITE CLAM DIGGERS AND BRIGHT GREEN POLOS!

Nicaragua - Didn't know there was a DEB in your homeland. Nice tracksuits.

Canaydia - The fag with the flag is really excited. Did ROOTS go out of business? Not a nice gradient pattern. It's a bad look.

I bet Spain dyed their suits with Saffron.

Liechtenstein - Your flag bearer looks like John Mark Carr. Hide the Children.

BUSH IS SOOOO OVER THIS. HE WANTS TO GO HOME AND HAVE LAURA SPOON FEED HIM MOTTS APPLESAUCE WHILE HE PLAYS WORLD OF WARCRAFT.

Iran is a total sausage fest.

Hungary! What the hell! Are those knockoff Marimeko?

So, is Andora another planet? Are those spacesuits?

I can't take the Finnish dresses. Someone hold me up. Big shot put ladies in print?

The Croatian flag bearer just made an inappropriate tongue motion to the Asian cheer leaders.

DOES LAURA BUSH EVER MAKE A DIFFERENT FACIAL EXPRESSION?!?! *INSERT BLANK STARE*.

AZERBAIJAN- what.

Namibia has white men on the team? How does that happen.

In case you didn't know, the Latvians are all also hospital workers. Hence the outfits.

Great Britain has a fourteen year old child diver. He is just hitting puberty, so don't hate if he pops a boner before the high dive.

The Polish women are going to a ball after this. Just FYI.

OMG KAZAKHSTAN... WHAT IS GOING ON THERE...not right.

Bulgaria has some very tall women.

Syria stole some of Cuba's leftover outfits.

Hmm... We look good. Not terribly flashy, but classic. Designed by Ralph. Like the hats. You can tell who the volleyball girls are... blonde, screaming in the camera like they are on South Padre Spring Break. Definitely smoked a blunt behind the birds nest. Jesus Carmelo, get your braids redone for the damn Olympics.

Ok. I can't watch anymore. I'm exhausted.

Team USA forevs.

xoxo
Nicole

Michelle Obama on the Cover of EBONY

Finally. A potential first lady that doesn't seem to be perpetually doped out on Lorazepam, wear hideous Dress Barn pantsuits, or remind me of Dame Judy Dench.

I love Michelle Obama, and Barack. They are a smart, real, normal, classy couple who are pretty hot and stylish. They get my vote.

TEAM BARACK!

xoxo
Nicole

PHOTO: CRUNK AND DISORDERLY.

Tyra Banks Makes ANTM Look Like A Bad 60's Movie Poster

Wow. Take a good, long look at this. Do you see what I see? Ms. J in the background looking like Beyonce in Austin Powers Goldmember? Shit.

So, this is the new promo shot for America's Next Top Model "cycle" 11. I never liked that. "Cycle" sounds like menstrual cycle. It's season 11. Whatever. I want to know what kind of Hippie delusions Tyra was having when she chose this theme. You know she was thinking "This is going to start a revival! I want to make this season look like a multi-cultural acid trip on Portobello Road!

Notice how the only one not working the theme is Jay Manuel. The only look he has is gay seventies roller disco boy in ass-huggers.

xoxo
Nicole

Hi, My Name Is Solange and I Wear Dollar Store Hair.

View the picture on the far left. Enough said. I think one of my Barbies had this same hairstyle after I put Dep in it and cut it with my mother's herb scissors.

xoxo
Nicole

PHOTO: Crunk and Disorderly.

Making The Band Three Season 3 Trailer: AKA: This Is What I'm Watching If I Ignore Your Calls

Ooooh snap. Danity Kane is back with the tranny weaves and busted eye makeup. I'm popping my kettle corn already.

I thought Diddy had a conversation with them regarding looking like dollar store hood rats? Aubrey must have had too much Aquanet and K-Y in her ears to hear him properly.

I'm ready to see Donnie Klang try to sing his Guido ass off, faux J.T style, and I'm definitely hoping for another appearance by Sevin.

But, the best part of this is... wait for it... wait for it... THE RETURN OF BOOM-KAT HERSELF, LAURIE ANN GIBSON!!! Jesus, hold me up.

xoxo
Nicole

I Know. I'm an Epic Disappointment.

So, my life has been disastrous lately and this blog has suffered as a result.

As we all know, I moved to take an awesome job. I now live in South Florida and it's amaz.

However. I made the mistake of hiring the WORST moving company on the face of the Earth. (NOTE TO OLYMPIC MOVING AND STORAGE: GO FUCK YOURSELVES.)

I have been here for a whole month with NONE of my belongings, and I have ended up paying about twice what I was originally told it would cost.

Needless to say, I've been dealing with that and starting a new job so things around here have sucked.

GOOD NEWS THOUGH!

My things are coming today! My life will be normal again! I don't have to repeat outfits! AND...... I will begin to blog again. I promise. Really.

So, enjoy this video. How much hair gel does it take to make one Jersey guy happy?

xoxo
Nicole

The "Why In The Crazy Hell Are You Dressed Like That" Photo of the Week.

Both of these outfits are HURTING. Wow.

Boo on the left, her outfit reminds me of the leftover sale rack at WetSeal. Boo on the right, her outfit is like an Ed Hardy knockoff nylon nightmare. Are those pants? Nylons? I'm confused. The lace at the bottom doesn't help.

Look in a mirror ladiez, look in a mirror.

xoxo
Nicole

I'm Baaaaaaaaaack

What better way to welcome you all back to my little slice of the internets than by posting a picture of Katie "I'm normal I swear!" Cruise (Holmes.), her big gayelle husband and alien baby celebrating our country's independence from those British prudes.

Homegirl looks SICK. Like, someone needs to stop the vegetable oil and niacin cleanses because her liver is about to go on a permanent vaycay. She must have permanent diahree. Nast.

In case you're wondering, the move went well. I am now a certified beach bum. I have an ankle bracelet and everything. Don't judge. I'm bringing it back. My posts may be infrequent for the next few days, but I'm back and ready to rage.

Let the gossip commence!

xoxo
Nicole

Photo: Dlisted.

IM MOVING!

I'm going to continue to be M.I.A. for a while, probs until after the Fourth of July. I am moving to Boca Raton, to work like a grown up. Moving cross country is an epic process and basically hell. I promise loads of great updates and info when I return.

In the meantime, check out my links to satisfy your gossip needs.

xoxo
Nicole

AHHHHH.

Best. Book. Ever. And I'm not just saying that because Joel left a comment on my Philosophy Soda Fountain post. Although that was very exciting. I felt very important. Oh how I feel old popularity issues washing over me.

You need to read Swish. You'll alternately laugh and ponder serious questions, which is an odd yet somehow deeply satisfying combination.

Visit Joel's website also. It's great.

xoxo

Nicole

Amy Winehouse Has Emphysema.

I'm going to be serious right now. This is very sad. According to her father Mitch, Amy is in the hosipital where she has been told that she is suffering from emphysema.

According to The Daily Mail:

"In an emotional interview the cab driver told how doctors have warned his daughter – who was rushed to hospital last week – that she may be forced to wear a permanent oxygen mask to survive if she doesn’t follow medical advice."

The article goes on to say that Amy could also end up in a wheelchair within a month if she does not follow medical advice by quitting crack and ciggarettes.

Mitch told The Daily Mail that "‘With smoking the crack cocaine and the cigarettes her lungs are all gunked up. There are nodules around the chest and dark marks. She's got 70 per cent lung capacity."

He also said that she is resolved to kick drugs once and for all, and that suprisingly, Blake has vowed to do the same. He has even asked for arrangements to be made to send him to rehab after he is released from jail.

Good luck Amy. Please get well. I know I tease about her, but she truly is one of the great talents of our time.

xoxo

Nicole

50 Cent Is Coming To a Drive Thru Near You.

"What up Taco Bell how ya doin today, 79 cent is my name for the day...tacos chalupas gorditas oh my love it so much it makes me wanna cry"

Ok, my lame ass attempt at rap is over. You can breathe. In all seriousness, according to allhiphop.com:

"To promote its new “Why Pay More” value menu, Taco Bell sent 50 Cent an offer letter obtained by AllHipHop.com, asking him to change his name to either 79 Cent, 89 Cent or 99 Cent for one day this summer.

Taco Bell Corp. President Greg Creed, who made the proposal in a letter written to 50 Cent's agent, also wrote that his company would make a $10,000 donation to a charity of the New York native's choice, if he accepts the request.

As part of the deal, 50 Cent would also have to make an appearance at any Taco Bell location around the country he chooses and rap his order in the drive thru with his new name."

Oh my sweet god. So, slinging chalupas is pretty street I guess. Look out for the bullet-proof one at a Taco Hell near you.

xoxo

Nicole

Philosophy "The Soda Fountain"

One of my fave brands of all time, Philosophy, has come out with yet another amazing line of products. "The Soda Fountain" collection consists of Root Beer, Cherry Cola, and Fruit Punch scents. Sounds amaz.

What's great about these products is that not only smell amazing, but they also work amazingly well and keep your skin silky smooth.

Visit Sephora to purchase these lovelies.

xoxo,

Nicole

Sisters.

Any uncanny resemblance was brought to my attention today. Goddess Bunny definitely looks like Wino and vice versa. Scary.

xoxo

Nicole

Kristen Johnson Looks Terrible.

Apparently former "Third Rock From The Sun" star Kristen Johnson has recently lost 60 pounds. What the crazy hell.

The pic on the right is much better Kristen. Gain some weight back. You're starting to look like Amy Wino, minus the crack hive and heroin shakes. She even has the ballet flats.

xoxo

Nicole

Pretty Ricky and Butta Cream (wtf) Swagger-Jack Your Fave Old School Groups

So, try to make it through the whole video. Try.

Apparently, Butta Cream are going to be the hot new pieces on the ghetto block. We all know Pretty Ricky has got a way with the ladies. I had to Google Butta Cream because I hadn't even heard of them until Fresh over at C&D showed me the way.

Sheer swagger-jacking. ew.

xoxo

Nicole

Old Pepaws On The Block.

Thank you Michael K. for the word "pepaw". I love it.

Here is a vid of NKOTB attempting to perform a medley of their hits in Toronto. It was abysmal and sad. Really. I would rather listen to Lionel Richie over and over and over.

xoxo

Nicole

David Letterman Puts Spencer On Blast...

... and therefore is my new favorite person. Spencer is such a miserable tool that I find it hard to watch him. If you can stomach it, I recommend watching this whole video. It's worth it for the sheer douche-baggery that you will witness.

Spencer is the kind of faux-lebrity that sits home and Googles himself. In fact, he's probably reading this because he has a Google alert set up for his name. Well, SPENCER PRATT YOUR LEVEL OF FUCKERY MAKES ME FEEL LIKE STICKING NEEDLES INTO MY EYES.

xoxo

Nicole

Heidi Montag Looks Deformed Without Makeup On.

That chin is CRAZY. She looks like a Bogdanov Brother with her wierd malformed chin. Horsey, put some makeup on and let that hair down. You need to detract from the chin.

xoxo

Nicole

Perez Is Even Worse Than Lauren Conrad At Being A "Designer"

The clothes from Perez's new "line" (which includes t-shirts, tanks, hoodies, and cheap accessories) are beyond uggo. This is worse than Lauren Conrad. Her shit is overpriced and plain, but it doesn't look like someone wiped down Skid Row with a tank top and put it up for sale.

Check out the rest of the "line", availible at Hot Topic.

xoxo
Nicole

Pam and Tommy Are Back Together

Tommy is the dirtiest of the dirty but ooooh weee what I wouldn't give to get next to that. I don't even care about the hep, or the herp. I would just like to break me off some Tommy. When I die I want to be buried with a blow up Tommy doll.

Anyway, Pam and Tommy are apparently back together, as they should be. Honestly, seeing either of them with another person makes me seethe with anger because they are meant to be together. Like Bert and Ernie. Or Erbert and Gerbert.

Rolling Stone has the exclusive, check it out.

xoxo

Nicole

Nicole

Posh Is Wearing Beck's Jeans.

What in the crazy hell is Posh doing?! She is wearing a TSHIRT! AND FLIP FLOPS! AND HER HUSBAND'S JEANS!

Should I be concerned? I mean, this is the woman who wrote "That Extra Half An Inch" referring to HEELS. Those flip flops look like my nasty college shower flip flops. *shudder*

ugh. The fashion apocalypse is officially here.

xoxo

Nicole

Photo: Dlisted

Ojon "The Ball"

This is some crazy tropical skincare crazyness from Ojon. Apparently, you rub this ball all over your skin and it moisturizes, cleanses, buffs and exfoliates your skin.

From Ojon's website:

Ojon® Tawaka™ “The Ball” contains a high dose of wildcrafted Ojon® oil, rich in essential fatty acids, Omega-3, 6 and 9; Omega-3 fatty acids are essential components for skin’s functioning. Omega-6 fatty acids are essential components of skin’s structure. A deficiency of these essential fatty acids is the most common and can cause dry, flaky skin.

This exclusive skin smoother is inspired by a ball only available in the Tawaka™ villages found in the remote tropical rainforest of Central America - that is, until now. Ojon® offers you this luxurious beauty sphere for use in your very own home. Ojon® Tawaka™ “The Ball” is produced in small batches, with each ball taking up to 2 days to produce.

Crazy and sexy at the same time. I would LOVE to try one. Hook it up Ojon.

You can also buy this at Sephora, of course.

xoxo

Nicole

In Case Your Prayers Haven't Been Answered Lately...

...you can reach Jesus on the interwebs. More specifically, MySpace. Yes. You heard me, the site populated by desperate emo children and horny teens with naked pictures is now home to the Lord.

Let's hope he doesn't have any naked photos. That would just be weird.

xoxo

Nicole

Best Outfits Ever.

If you don't read Crunk and Disorderly, there is something wrong with your head. They have posted quite a prom crunktacular over there and this couple that has integrated swimwear with straight jacket glamour is my personal fave.

For more ghetto prom tragedies, visit C&D, and tell Fresh I sent you.

xoxo

Nicole

The New Kids Don't Bother Me.

These pepaws still got it. They don't look half bad either. You know I'll be listening to their new shit.

xoxo

Nicole

Real Housewives of HotLanta.

I stole this image from YBF, just to be clear.

So all my dreams are coming true. Bravo is making a new season of Real Housewives, and it will feature some lovely ladies from Atlanta. Above is one of the couples on the show, Ed and Lisa Hartwell.

I'm looking forward to southern fried drama y'all.

xoxo

Nicole

Bird Glamour

I love animals. I realize this isn't a typical blog post, but I couldn't resist. This is Beauty, she was found starving to death because hunters shot her beak off. Bastards. Here's an idea, if you shoot a bald eagle, you get shot in the crotch. New law.

An engineer from Boise, Idaho made Beauty a prosthetic beak! Yay! It's even yellow! The lady who found Beauty told The Sun

"A bullet had to be removed from her curved upper beak, leaving her tongue and sinuses exposed, with a stump useless for grasping food. Eating with her beak was like using one chopstick. She also had trouble drinking and couldn’t preen her feathers."

Epic sadness. But you know Beauty lives a live of luxury now. She probs has a servant that chews up her food and spits it into her mouth, so she doesn't have to dirty her gorge new beak.

Be nice to animals. They deserve it.

xoxo

Nicole

My Future Best Friend.

I am moving to SoFl after all.

If you are a fierce gay man in SoFl, please call me. I want to be your best friend forever.

xoxo

Nicole

Picture: C&D

Be Warned. This Is Empowering Yet Slightly Inappropriate

Enjoy.

xoxo

Nicole

Lauren Conrad Is a Horrid "Designer"

So, apparently if you can wield a pair of scissors you can refer to yourself as a designer. Above are some items from Lauren Conrad's recent summer collections. The items are all between $130-$180 dollars. That's right, for $130 dollars you too can own a white shirt that looks like a pillowcase with three holes cut in it.

Overcharging for JERSEY KNITS is so desperate. The only item I consider remotely cute is the red hot pants jumper, but it looks like something I'd find on the $5.99 rack at RAINBOW. Come to think of it, I think I saw a hooker on her stroll in that same outfit last night.

Click the title of this post to view LC's online "shop"

xoxo

Nicole

Paris Hilton Looks Pregnant. Seriously.

She looks preg. Really. I mean, silk is usually flattering, especially if you are as thin as she normally is.

I really hope that's just some coke bloat and not another Madden spawn in there. *shudder*

xoxo

Nicole

Photo: Dlisted

Lauri From Real Housewives Is The Worst Mother Ever.

Every single time I watched Real Housewives (which was each week and all reruns) I wanted to smack some motherly sense into Lauri. She COMPLETELY abandoned Josh, her son. He's the one with her in the pic above.

Apparently, when Josh was in high school he got busted with a little weed and some booze. What.Ever. I don't know anyone who DIDN'T smoke a little ganj and have a little sippy sip in high school. Lauri decided that this was such a serious problem he had to be kicked out of her house. Conveniently, this was also when she met her hot silver fox sugar daddy George. Looks like someone didn't want the wayward son to ruin the gold digging scheme.

Anyway, Josh's mommy issues and abandonment are seriously fucking up his life now. He got caught in front of a Comfort Inn in Laguna Beach trying to sell heroin and ecstasy. I wonder if Kristin Cavalari was the buyer. Jokes.

No doubt Lauri will play this out on the new season of Real Housewives. Trust. What an awful mother.

xoxo

Nicole

Photo: Dlisted

Update on Linda Hogan's Boyfriend Charley Hill

First of all, class of 2007? I am FOUR YEARS OLDER THAN THIS GUY. I am old. Wow.

Apparently, Linda Hogan's new man Charley Hill was actually a friend of her son Nick's. They played sports together, and Charley was an altar boy at the Hogan's church.

Ewwww Linda. Get it together. This is embarrassing for you.

xoxo

Nicole

Photo: TMZ

Vintage Mark Wahlberg

I'm watching "Fear" right now. Vintage Mark Wahlberg as a batshit crazy psychopath. Definitely one of his finer acting moments. Is it wierd that I found it strangely hot when he carved "Nicole 4 Eva" into his chest? Yeah, that's pretty sick, but whatever.

xoxo

Nicole

Lisa Garza Looks Like Uma In Pulp Fiction.

Lisa Garza is a contestant on "The Next Food Network Star". She's also a dead ringer for Uma in Pulp Fiction, and a general all around crazy ho.

She cooks in stilettos and couture, and mumbles incoherently about her culinary point of view involving community outreach. It's hilarious.

I love the Food Network, and this is my fave show. I'll keep you posted.

xoxo
Nicole

Photo: Dlisted

Liv Tyler and Rumer Wills. AKA Beauty and The Beast.

Potato Head Willis was fugging up the MTV Movie Awards earlier this evening and looks like she's auditioning to be a Suicide Girl or possibly a new edition of Elvira. UGH. Good thing Liv is SHEER BEAUTY AND GLAMOUR. Her radiance eclipses PH's nast.

I have loved Liv since back in her "Empire Records" days.

Thoughts on Rumer? Am I too harsh?

xoxo

Nicole

Photo: Dlisted

Yves Saint Laurent Dies In Paris

Yves Saint Laurent died today in Paris. Sadness. He was 71.

He retired in 2002, but I thought I'd make a nice photo montage of some current YSL clothes along with a cool old picture of him and one of his designs.

Safe travels to couture heaven YSL!

xoxo

Nicole

BIG PHAT RETRACTION.

Kimora, this is so disappointing.

I love her glamour but I must have been living under a rock when this whole scandal with KLS cosmetics and MACY'S was going down.

Thank you to MODELIZER (www.modelizing.blogspot.com) for helping me check myself before I wrecked myself.

So apparently Kimora overcharged MACY'S for her cosmetics and then refused to pay back extra profits. SCANDAL. Such shady business. MACY'S then sued her ass for the money that they were owed.

So, I do not condone shady business. Just FYI.

Sisters.

Here's Christina A. looking like Kelly Bundy's long lost sister at LAX in Vegas. Doesn't she have a child? I feel like I see her out alone getting her club on more than I see her doing family stuff. BALANCE Xtina, it's all about BALANCE.

Thoughts on Xtina's look?

xoxo

Nicole

Photo: DLISTED

Just Incase You Didn't Belive Me.

Here's a young hulk. Compare and contrast to Linda's new BF below. Thoughts?

xoxo
Nicole

Linda Hogan's New Boyfriend...

...looks like a senior in highschool. What the hell is it with this family and thinning, bottle blonde hair and horrible orange leathery skin? Ew. I respect the need for a summer haircolor and tan, but this is just gross. What's even more entertaining, is that this dude looks like a young hulk hogan. Trust. Google that shit.

Linda took her boytoy to the opening party for the Palms Palace Hotel in Las Vegas where they freak-danced the night away. *shudder*

xoxo

Nicole

Photo: MICHAEL K AND DLISTED!!

GODDESS BUNNY!

Sorry I was gone for so long. I still love you. Some interesting developments have occured in my life, and I had to think them over.

So, to come back with a giant BANG, here is a video of our fave tranny, Goddess Bunny. God. She could not get more creepy.

xoxo

Nicole

Short Break

Hello my darling kittens.

I need to take a short blog hiatus for a few more days. I am in the middle of some epic life changes and need some time to process. Between the freelance writing I'm doing and a possible move in the works I need to just...THINK.

I'm soooooorrrryyyyyy and I hope you don't hate me. I'll be back Saturday in full swing.

xoxo
Nicole

Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson Are Getting Married?

The Daily Star and my personal Jesus Michael K. are reporting that LiLo and SamRo are planning a July wedding at DOLLYWOOD! Yes, I said DOLLYWOOD!!!!!

The thought of these two getting married amongst the country-ness and fried food is too much for me. I'm so excited.

Side note: Lindsay Lohan is obviously the "starlet being courted by the major weeklies to come out exclusively to them" being written about in every blind item column on the Internet.

Good for them. I had best receive an invitation. I'll rat my hair and wear a gingham dress.

xoxo

Nicole

Photo: Dlisted

KLS Cosmetics: Gloss Yourself In Fabulousity.

We know I love cosmetics, especially lip gloss. We also know I love Kimora Lee Simmons because she is glamour incarnate.

I cannot believe I did not know she started her own cosmetics line. I feel sooooo behind. I love the glosses shown above. They are sparkly and glamorous.

Viva Fabulousity! Click the title of this post to view the cosmetics on the KLS website.

xoxo

Nicole